Tag Archives: aristocracy

Creative Writing Teaches Tabloid Journalism

I actually saw a story in a tabloid recently mentioning that the queen was bypassing Charles and handing over the crown to William. It reminded me of a creative writing assignment I once received (way back in ’02). We were told to create a tabloid story, complete with pics, and the more sensational yet plausible, the happier the teacher was. Mine came back with notes that the photos I had used lent the story a “creepy authenticity.” Whatevs. I passed.

The world was taken aback to discover that practically overnight a political coup, the likes of which has not been seen in over 200 years, had taken place. At least four people are dead; Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles and Prime Minister Tony Blair are those we mourn now. All of London is now in a fog of misery, unlike any that the people have ever known.

HM Elizabeth II was found in her chambers with a single shot to the heart, which caused major internal damage to her organs. Prince Charles and Camilla were found together in his home. Both had been shot several times in the chest. According to preliminary forensic reports, several guns of varying calibers were used to kill the Prince and Camilla. Charles had also been stabbed several times post-mortem, according to the coroner. A bloody dagger, discovered on the ground next to the bed, apparently an antique, is presumed to be the weapon used in the stabbing. Tony Blair’s death was perhaps the least dramatic of all, though no less shocking. Early reports indicated he may have died from a heart attack, but as Blair’s corpse was discovered first further testing has been possible over the last few days and it now appears that he was killed using deadly poisons.

Perhaps the most confusing element in all this are the reactions of the Princes William and Henry (Harry) when informed of the deaths of their father and grandmother. Eyewitnesses in both locations state that neither brother seemed overly shocked or upset.

“At first I thought he was just trying to be brave,” one source (who has chosen not to be identified) said of William. “He didn’t do much more than pale before blushing. He sat slowly and lowered his head. I thought he might cry, but he didn’t. This certainly wasn’t anything like his reaction to the news of his mother’s death.”

Since being notified of his succession to the throne the new King has made some radical and shocking changes in the government. Upon addressing Parliament for the first time with his brother Harry right behind him for support, William further rattled an already shaken government by announcing his decision to dissolve the Parliament and reinstate the monarchy. He then named his brother as his new chief advisor and thanked the Parliament for its years of loyal service and time.

Young Prince Harry, now the next in line for the throne at 16, seems to be in full support of his older brother’s plans for the country. Concerned friends have tried to see him, according to palace guards, but he has refused audience with anyone but William.

Friends and acquaintances of William from university all say the same thing. “He began to talk about the shortcomings of the government and their lack of organization.” Says one girl. “He began to read everything on government and politics and we just thought he had chosen to pursue a career in politics. It seem we were more right than we all thought,” stated another classmate.

One rumor whispered on the streets, and among the former members of Parliament, is that William planned all the murders so he could become King and take control of the throne and the nation. Police have admitted believing there to be a connection between all the murders. In the expert opinion of forensic investigators there is no doubt to them that these murders were planned deliberately. According to Dr. Jonathan Trabel, forensic profiler and criminologist, the killer(s) were very careful to leave no traces of entry or exit. The killings were all very methodical and cleanly done. The post mortem attack on Charles suggests a crime of passion, but the patterned manner in which it was done leads Trabel to believe that it was also a planned part of the killing.

William, the new King Regnant, has denied all connection to the murders and claims that he will do everything in his power to ensure that the killers are brought to justice. The people of the United Kingdom do not seem to be prepared to hold their breath for that to happen, however.

Another question raised by many concerns the action the United States will take. Opinions on what should happen vary from un-involvement to moving in to take full control of the government until a new Parliament can be pulled together to rule. President Bush is hesitant in making any decision about America’s course of action because William’s choice to dissolve the Parliament and take control of governing the United Kingdom singly is, in fact, a legal decision.

Other rumors involving William and Henry’s involvement in the killings is linked to evidence that Princess Diana may have been pregnant at the time of her death. Some feel that William believed his father to be responsible for his mother’s death in some way, and that is the reason behind Charles’s particularly brutal murder.

 “The only death that seems to truly be affecting the boys is the loss of the Queen. They truly loved her and I think they grieve for her,” says an inside source. “She was always there for them, and I think they truly wish she was here now.”

The entire world is at a loss over these events. One finds it difficult to believe that a political scandal such as this could even occur in today’s media driven society, where everything is watched and reported, yet it has happened, and all we can do now is hope that stories of invasion of America by Great Britain and Canada are merely the product of panic and not fact.

Again, this was just a writing assignment that I threw together in two days. I was fully aware then, as I am now, that I have no future in news writing. Fortunately, there is Cap’n Crunch in my future.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under 1